Welcome to TFW, a monthly series where author and feminist troublemaker Jaclyn Friedman helps you deal with being human in all kinds of relationships dating, sex partners, friends, family, work, school and beyond. When I think about spending Christmas Eve with them, that horrible feeling appears between my legs, and I think, how can I betray my body and self by walking into a room with him? I've gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. Manage Settings Im in my thirties and still get uncomfortable around people with lazy eyes. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. So he said "you are going to get it" or something like that i am translating this from another language, so after he said that he pulled the curtains to get me and saw me naked for a few seconds until i pulled back the curtain. To me by text. Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. You're Censoring Yourself. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. Dont be afraid. First of all, thank you for your brave, clear and detailed letter. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information, 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress, 1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor HelpLine - Specializing in LGBTQ youth suicide prevention & help, Child Helpline International - International Child Helpline Network, RAINN - International Sexual Assault Helplines, Mental Health Europe - Helplines for Young People, Ted Bundy's Warning About Pornography - YouTube Video. For instance, sending a package. am I being too sensitive? Tell him how you're feeling. I eventually gained the courage and told him to go home. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. There is help. After fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania. i always Speak more loudly than usual to maintain a greater social distance. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. But, as always, not knowing. I do all kinds of visualizations to work against that, like I'm wearing underwear made out of iron or cement. When I told her what I'd been feeling, her response was, and I quote, "Oh, damn." There's probably very little that you feel or experience that your dad hasn't been through already. And don't worry, they have heard everything and it will help you. But here's the thing. (We live in the same city.) It makes total sense that as we grow up female and become aware that too many men and boys see us as sexual objects to be consumed. I am absolutely at a loss. My grandfather watches a lot of porn and I remember telling my grandma and mom about it when I found out, but my grandma said "That's what men do." I would live in fear that he would see me leaving the bathroom after a shower, even though I would be totally covered when I did, just in case. Cary, despite everything, I love my parents, and want to be able to share some of this Christmas with them. To choose your username either log in or sign up. Maybe you can get help at this number. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. Or his mother, if she is still alive. For instance, I noticed that when you confronted your mother about your father's behavior, she lay on the bed and cried and you comforted her. I admire your ability to recount with impressive honesty these troubling sensations, and am particularly struck by the metaphors you have constructed for them -- that you feel "trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated.". I'm pretty sure he loves me but I just want to make things a little more peaceful with my dad.. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. same my father makes me feel very uncomfortable..He has slapped my side thighs twice.I recommend talking to a school counselor.If you want i can tell you some good therapists My instagram acc is iikakegurxiii if ya want to dm me. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. Here's what I recommend: Ask your dad if you can have a little talk. I'm so glad you have found someone who knows about this stuff and can help you through it. Trust yourself on this. I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. But I can't -- it's come too far now. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Your discomfort is what matters here, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally wrong. Ad Choices, "Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. As daughters age and develop, Hugo Schwyzer argues, it's important for men to overcome their discomfort and continue to show affection. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. I find this disturbing. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. If they do, it is only online. Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. You can love someone and still have it be the best choice for you to keep your distance from them. You are not alone. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. He's such sad, wistful figure to me, despite everything. I felt like I was flying into pieces. I'd do the "Artist's Way" or something, become clearer in my life, and up it would pop -- still no memory, but a stark, unignorable presence. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. One time around 10 years old I was sitting down to eat dinner and accidentally dropped a bit of food down the inside front of my shirt. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. I don't feel safe alone in a car with him -- don't know why, but I go out of my way to avoid that when I can. Your journey is just beginning and it is going to be a long one. After all, he helped raise you. Yes, there is a name for it, it's called covert sexual abuse. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. By submitting the form, you acknowledged that you are or over 18 years old and you will follow local policies and laws. We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. 172 views | "For example, things like not taking off your . Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. Im 31 now and he made another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks. com for a very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner's phone, and he far exceeded my expectations. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. ", Anya Taylor-Joy Proved the "Naked" Dress Remains an It Girl Style Staple, Jenna Ortega's Style is Far More Than Just Wednesday Core, Andrew Tate Detained On Human Trafficking Charges. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. It is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up. Part of why you wrote what you wrote in your post is because you have to let it out. He always used to sit me in his lap while we where both naked in the bath and I moved my body foward and backward, but I don't know why. Your inner voice is telling you something. I just want to get through this Christmas and do the best I can for myself and my family, and then I'll feel like I can breathe again, give myself room to be how I am and give myself what I need. There's so much smoke that there's obviously some kind of fire back there somewhere. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? I minimized it my entire life and convinced . i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. Read More >. Boyfriend 24M does not want to use condoms, what do i do? In fact, youre paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. To this day he can't say anything nice to me. He buys me nice stuff and generally is being super nice. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. Can you help me get over the feelings of love I have for a person with whom my relationship has ended? Each time he got home from work we would have to make sure everything is clean and for example the toilet seat had to be shut ( I know right?) Female Friend feels uncomfortable around me (18M). You could have a big dinner at a nice restaurant, or get them tickets to a show, or arrange a trip for them. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. I avoided touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl. Does he stop kissing you, or does he pressure you to change your mind, or even ignore what youve said and go on kissing you? She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. Rachel,What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. Reproduction of material from any Salon pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. Is that enough, too much, and whats ahead with COVID vaccines? In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. Ive always felt uncomfortable. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. All rights reserved. Nothing less than kind. So any advice to someone who is stuck in the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable around? Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. What about sending a letter? I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. Is there even a name for this? I rushed out of there in tears with no explanation, fetched my sweetheart, and we went back to the cabin and briskly gathered our stuff. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? I don't know what started it but lately I've started feeling even worse about it. I brought my laptop so I could do some writing I needed to do, and so we could all access the Internet if we felt like it. In deciding exactly how to manage your visit, it may help to avoid formulating the problem as an either/or situation. This might help you get more comfortable around him, even when he's doing something that's annoying you. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. Love does not obligate you to put up with abuse. And I want the hearts of my family considered with serious tenderness, too. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Read now. Not obligate you to put up with abuse to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that coming. With lazy eyes all, thank you for your fathers bad behavior avoided touching i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad as as. Users are the responsibility of those users and do n't worry, they have heard everything and will... You by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up sounds sexual! 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